Investec Champions Cup power rankings from contenders to pretenders

“Fugayzi, fugazi. It’s a whazy. It’s a woozie. It’s fairy dust.” Matthew McConaughey summed up exactly what the opening two rounds of the Investec Champions Cup will mean when the competition concludes on May 24th in Cardiff.

Sure, seedings are important but in reality, this competition is so far from done that every team could realistically feel positive about the coming two rounds. Of course, certain teams will feel better than others, with some teams all but confirming their place in the round of 16.

Now, just two days out from the kick-off of what will be a decisive round three of rugby action, here are our Investec Champions Cup power rankings.

Title Contenders
Teams where it would be a shock if they aren’t in the semi-finals with a real shot at the title.
1. Toulouse
Reigning champions, 125 points scored through two rounds, and the best player in the world is their captain? Need we say more? Round three will be a good test against the Sharks, but don’t be shocked if they dominate in Durban.

2. Leinster
Some day, the Dam Wall will burst, and for those with blue-tinted glasses, it will be beautiful! Three consecutive final losses prompted the signing of a Springbok (RG Snyman), an All Black (Jordie Barrett) and a French international (Rabah Slimani) to go with 90% of the Irish team. As former Munster and Ireland lock Donnacha O’Callaghan said, “Leinster are up there with the National Children’s Hospital… in terms of return on investment, no one has seen any!” In other words if they don’t win this year, they never will.

3. Bordeaux
Putting aside last season’s ludicrous 42 – 41 quarterfinal loss at home to Harlequins and a record Top 14 loss to Toulouse, Bordeaux have been superb… Yes, those two events loom large, but the men from the famous wine region are poised for a deep playoff run this season with an all-world backline and powerful pack.

Dark Horses
In the right circumstances, they can challenge the top three, but it would take a serious effort to go all the way.

4. Toulon
Sure, they aren’t the Galacticos of yesteryear, but this Toulon side is a classy group of top-quality players. Possessing depth across the board, RC Toulon is in pole position to lock down the top spot in pool 4, with Harlequins coming to town this weekend. A win over the Londoners would give them a little bit of breathing space, with Quins hosting Glasgow in round 4 in what feels like a coin-flip match. For Toulo,n they will travel to Manchester in the final round for a clash with a physical but beatable Sale Sharks side.

5. Northampton Saints
Coming up agonisingly short against Leinster in last season’s semi-final, the reigning Premiership champions are back with a vengeance this season. Parking their mixed domestic form to nail two dominant wins through the opening two rounds, the Saints are right there with the best of the rest this season.

6. Glasgow Warriors
From one champion to another, the reigning URC champions are similar to their English rivals. Although they are second in the URC so far this season, behind only Leinster, the Warriors are a tricky team to truly assess. On their day, they can beat anyone, including the big three, but they are fallible to coming unstuck against physical packs. So far this season, they have narrowly lost on the road to Ulster, Hollywoodbets Sharks, Toulon and Edinburgh. Whilst each losing margin was within a score, each loss saw moments where their pack struggled. A semi-final is certainly within reach, but any further feels like a stretch.

7. Hollywoodbets Sharks
Facing their biggest test to date when they host the reigning champions in Durban this weekend. Should they upset the applecart and beat Toulouse, then a top-two place is possible, albeit unlikely, with Toulouse hosting Leicester in the final round whilst John Plumtree’s men hit the road and travel to Bordeaux. If they somehow beat both of the French sides, then watch out, as nobody will want to travel to Durban for a last-16 and quarterfinal clash.

8. La Rochelle
“She hates time, make it stop, When did Motley Crue become classic rock? (Classic rock), And when did Ozzy become an actor? Please make this stop, stop, stop” Yes, Bowling For Soup just summed up Ronan O’Gara’s two-time champions. Fresh off scraping past Toulouse’s youth team, the former champions showed their age. Now firmly past their best, La Rochelle, although capable of a big performance, is far from the force they once were. This is clearly reflected in their recruitment plan, with Davit Niniashvili (22) and Nolann Le Garrec (23) being their two headline signings. In fact, none of their confirmed signings thus far are older than 23, whilst three of their four confirmed departures are north of 31, with just George Henri-Colombe being at a peak age (27).

Knock-Out Berserkers 
Ready to ruin someone’s season with top-quality performance but lack the top-end quality and depth to go all the way.
9. Munster
Rugby’s most snake-bitten side once again have an injury that would make even their most staunch critics feel sorry for them. Of course, their issues aren’t exclusively linked to injuries, but holy heck, do they play a part. Losing Jean Kleyn, Craig Casey and Thaakir Abrahams long term to go with several other medium to long term injuries would hurt any team. This being said, several players are working their way back namely Peter O’Mahony, Conor Murray, Diarmuid Kilgallen and Diarmuid Barron. Should Munster do the business against Saracens this weekend, they will set up a ‘free hit’ against Northampton in round four. Winning the final two rounds would set up a potential home run through the first two rounds of the knock-out stages. Whilst its moniker as a fortress has taken a hit in recent years, nobody (outside of the big three) will want to go to Thomond Park.

10. Saracens
Similar to Toulon as a team who are firmly removed from past glories in this competition, the north London side are once again a coming force. Still possessing old heads who have been there and done that in Jamie George, Maro Itoje, Liam Willams and a few others, this Saracens team are a tough nut to crack. Dominating the Bulls in round one was a strong start to their campaign, whilst a win over a disastrous Stade Francais in round two was a confidence boost. Round three will be an altogether different challenge away to Munster, with a win guaranteeing a top-two spot in pool three.

11. Clermont
Once again a coming force, European Rugby’s bridesmaids gave Leinster a real test in round two, which built on their deconstruction of Benetton in round one. Hosting Bath in round three presents an opportunity to land a killer blow on the Gallagher Premiership side and secure a knockout spot but there is flexibility with a home clash with Bristol in round four to look forward to. Building their game plan in a likeness to their head coach, Christophe Urios, Montferrand Les Jaunards feels destined to ruin someone’s season this year…

12. Leicester Tigers
Another European power on the up-and-up, Michael Cheika’s Tigers, with their international backbone, are a rugged throwback-style team. Sure, they can do the glitz and glamour, but with double World Cup winner Handre Pollard at ten, they are more than happy to enter an arm wrestle if needs be. Shocking Bordeaux with a heavily rotated team in round two, the Tigers punched the suave French side in the mouth during the first half of their clash. As time wore on, the weakened team couldn’t match their big-money hosts, but make no mistake, with a full team out at Welford Road, they could maul most teams in this competition.

13. Harlequins
Would the real slim Quins please stand up… English Rugby’s dazzlers shocked the world last season with a run to the semi-finals following some truly world-class performances. This season, they have taken a step back, and whilst certainly a threat at home, their reputation as an inconsistent outfit is apt. “So you’re telling me there’s a chance…” Well, not really, kinda, we don’t know.

Cannon Fodder 

“When life gives you lemons, just say ‘f*** the lemons’, and bail.” — Paul Rudd as Chuch in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. These teams ain’t going anywhere in the knockout rounds (if they get there).
14. Bath Rugby
Hands down the most disappointing team through the opening two rounds, the Premiership leaders went toe-to-toe with La Rochelle in round one only to completely capitulate in round two against Benetton. This has firmly put them on the back foot with two rounds to play, making round three against Clermont a must-win. Should they manage to pull off their performance of the season thus far, then a home tie against Leinster in round four awaits. In other words, they are cooked.

15. Vodacom Bulls
Jake White is one of the most resilient coaches in professional rugby but even he seemed resigned to the fact that his team are not going to leave their mark on the competition this year when the Saints bullied them at home. Instead, they will likely focus on finally winning a URC following two final appearances.

16. Sale Sharks
“We haven’t come halfway round the world to look at some f****** Greek ruins.” Jay Cartwright. Yes, we are away. There are no Greek ruins in Cape Town, but the sentiment remains that Sale is on a business trip to one of the most beautiful cities in the world this weekend. Unfortunately for the Premiership side they will face a Stormers side who have decided to wake up from their early season slumber at just the right time. In short, it is do or die this weekend with an in-form Toulon coming to town in round four.

17. Bristol Bears
Easy on the eye but no powerful enough to handle the big teams in this competition. Pat Lam’s side could certainly take a run at the Premiership this season but they are not ready for Champions Cup glory.

18. DHL Stormers
Given their poor start to the competition, the Cape Townians will be hitting the road in the last-16 which will be a step too far given the work they need to do in the URC.

19. Benetton Rugby 
Picking up a big win over Bath in round two has kept hopes alive for a play-off spot but like the Stormers they need to focus on the URC and will be in for a tough time against La Rochelle and Bristol in the final two rounds.

20. Ulster Rugby 
Richie Murphy is doing good work in Belfast but this team is very much in its infancy and is at the very least three years off being at its best.

21. Exeter Chiefs
No Immanuel Feyi-Waboso = no chance. Rob Baxter is a clever Director Of Rugby who will turn the Chiefs around but last season’s competition run looks to have been more of a mirage for the Chiefs.

22. Racing 92
“I’m going off the rails on a crazy train.” Ozzy Osbourne. Whilst the Black Sabbath lead singer is about as different from Stuart Lancaster as you could imagine, the sentiment remains that Racing are going nowhere fast. Unfortunately, whilst Lancaster is a top-quality coach, things have not worked so far this season, and they are about to be railroaded by Glasgow in round three.

23. Castres Olympique
Derailing Munster aside, Castres are once again merely participants in a competition they don’t care about. It is a shame, really, given their sterling home record and incredible fanbase.

24. Stade Francais
Two matches, three red cards. See ya never, pal.